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Monday, September 8, 2008

Letter to my Girlfriends: Carrie Fever

“She gets Carrie fever but as soon as the show's over, she’s right back to being my soldier…” Jay-Z, Bonnie and Clyde’03

While watching the muddled version of Sex and the City on TBS, I realized while I’m on my quest to become the Black Carrie Bradshaw, I got caught up in the fantasy of having my own Mr. Big. For the longest time, I thought my high school sweetheart was my young adult version of Mr. Big. In high school we were dangerously in love, we skipped school to be together, stayed on the phone all night. We listened to Music Soulchild’s sophomore album while cuddling on his couch in his mom’s basement. I even honed my writing skills by drafting love poems; and in the mist of our love we got matching tattoos (a decision I don’t regret but will never do again).

I then made the hardest decision of my teen years by breaking up with Mr. Big the night before he went to college, and although we cried at the thought of breaking up, I knew I couldn’t compromise our love by the temptation of fast college girls. When he came back home for Christmas we rekindled our relationship; but, by spring break we broke up. Come summertime, we found summer love. I left for college, and we broke up again. Then I broke up with my college boyfriend for Mr. Big, and we got back together. Currently Mr. Big and I are broken up, and I’m currently in a relationship that sometimes got strained by Mr. Big.

See the comparisons?

I even had a Natasha moment. No one got physically hurt by chasing me out of an apartment, but my boyfriend did get hurt emotionally. After a brief affair, I realized that hurting someone who loves you doesn’t feel too good, and years of a on and off relationship with no clear direction is just silly.

Watching Carrie let Mr. Big continue to play her by moving to California without her input, or running to Paris and finding a wife or just not letting her into his life, just felt so relatable. And though I have great set of friends like Carrie who understood my relationship with my Mr. Big, Carrie’s vulnerability towards Mr. Big is one trait of her character traits that I don’t want to adopt.

Even after the watching the movie, I was heated at how Mr. Big stood her up on their wedding day. How does one have cold feet after 10 years of dating? That’s when I knew I had to move on. I have been dealing with my Mr. Big for six years, and I refuse to make it a decade. Though I have bid my farewell to our love affair, I truly believe that young love is the truest form of love. It’s love before all the bull that hits you, before you experience heartbreak. It's love when you’re just young, innocent and madly in the moment.

To my Mr. Big, thank you for being my first love. But I could never get married in a courthouse. The library is much cooler.

Check out my other Letter to my Girlfriends columns here:

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