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Friday, January 25, 2008

Letter to my Girlfriends:You Should Let Him Love You

Listening to females complain about their cheating boyfriends, I often wonder if they are truly unhappy if they would leave the two-timer or stay with him just for the sake of having a boyfriend? The girls who complain are gorgeous, educated, funny and stylish, and if their boyfriends don’t see all their wonderful qualities, then he doesn’t deserve my fellow fly girls.

To my ladies who stay with the boyfriend who cheats, I ask this simple question: Why don’t you see all the qualities in yourself that I see? Why don’t you see that there are probably tons of guys constantly checking your facebook page to see if you’ve change your status from, “in a relationship” to “single” that if you were to leave your dude alone, you probably wouldn’t be alone for long.

Or what about the female who dates guys, who have a two-baby mama minimal, works at fast food restaurants, has no car and lives at home. While she has zero baby daddy’s, is a budding career woman and is independent- do you know what that means? That means that she has her own apartment, her own car and works a job that doesn’t include the introduction, “May I take your order please?” Yet, her choices in men are less than stellar.

Or the homegirl who has been dealing with the same guy for years and while she’s hoping he will be her real life, Mr. Big. Her dealings with him look more Sex and the City, season one than season six. Why are we lowering our standards just to get a date? And if the pickings are indeed slim should we be prepared to be lonely forever?

It’s one thing to maybe lower your standards when the time is ticking on your biological clock by while we’re still young and vibrant with plenty to choose from, why choose less when you can have more?

It’s not just the decision to out on a date with the fast food guy and if the fellow fly girl really enjoyed his company and truly liked him and his children than more power to her, but it’s when she allows herself to be objectified and caught in the all the drama with the baby mamas and babysitting kids that aren’t hers just so she won’t have to go to the movies alone, that’s lowering standards.

Allowing yourself to accept that he doesn’t call you back, he doesn’t bring you flowers, pokes girls on facebook daily, meets jump-offs on myspace, shows that you don’t love yourself. When you allow yourself to break up with him and get back together for years, it maybe shows evidence of low self-esteem. Hoping that he will change and become your true life, Mr. Big is just that, a hope.

I have the utmost respect for my ladies, we are strong and self-determining, yet I wish all females could see the fly girl that lives within them. My girlfriends have always told me that my standards are too high, but I don’t see it that way, I see my standards in men as a reflection of what I want in life and I deserve all that I work hard for. With so many daily struggles, the last thing I want to struggle with is my love life. I want to come home to a man who calls me back with the sense of urgency, who surprises me with my favorite flowers, a man that makes date plans and comes thru with the dinner reservations.

Dear fellow fly girls, right now, we are in our prime, we start our dating habits in our 20s and if we’re constantly having the conversations about how men aren’t sh*t than maybe it’s not them -its you. Stop allowing yourself to settle when you deserve the world. I believe that there are good men out there and you will have to kiss plenty of frogs to get to your prince but once your knight in shining armor arrives, you’ll realize how the frogs are best left in the wild.

Listen to Mario’s “Let Me Love You”


Anonymous said...

great post!

Fellow fly girl said...

loves it!

Fellow fly girl said...

loves it!

Anonymous said...

Which one are you FLYGIRL?